This one says "Don't worry, be happy"

Well, I'm home, sick, today so as I browsed through some Facebook updates, I stumbled upon this recommended article. The title of the article (which, in my honest opinion, could've used some serious editing and better authorship) is "Don't worry, be happy" and it tries to explain why a whopping 87% of Indian women are stressed compared to say, an average of 53% of American women (according to a survey). It covers a number of issues by way of explanation, ranging from female infanticide to female jealousy. It's not a terrible attempt, but I'd like to offer an explanation or two of my own to explain these numbers, which I think, could very well be close to the truth.

Also, I'd like to focus on a narrower section of the Indian society, one that I can relate to - the middle class. Rather than seek complicated theories, I think I'll start with the more obvious things that we've all seen our mothers deal with.

The Indian mother revels in a life-long of worrying. It's almost a duty. And it begins when your kid first steps into school. Emphasis on education and grades is so high in India that the average mother (or more so, the Indian mother of the "average student") is constantly worried about her son or daughter not doing well in school. Then, as they get older, there are the 10th board exams, followed by the 12th exams, followed by myriad "entrance exams" to gain admission into a decent University, followed by admissions into post graduate programs, all of which give Indian parents sleepless nights for financial and other reasons. Because, even today, a good education is the only path to a comfortable life in India, and Indian parents cannot see their kids making the cardinal mistake of not paying attention in school. By the time this long saga of education is over (consider multiple iterations for multiple children), it's time to worry about getting your daughter and/or son married. Indian parents, unlike parents in the West, are rather involved in finding a their children's life partners for them. This is no joke and I can only imagine the pressure this puts on a parent. This can take years, and the wedding itself is typically 6 months or so of pure, unadulterated stress. After this, it's time to help the kids raise their young ones (if you have 2 kids, you can assume 4 grand children).

So, honestly, when does this end? Also, I'm not saying that Indian fathers are not worried. They are, but like all other men, they can fall back on cricket/beer to distract themselves every now and then (not being critical, just envious). Women on the other hand can seriously obsess. Anyway, that was my two cents. Can I offer solutions? Actually, no. A large part of this stress is cultural - the need to solve all your children's problems. And that gets handed down from generation to generation. Until that changes, the stress will remain.

Annnnd back to reality

It is so ironic that this post should come on the heels of one that speaks of escapism and how perfect the Harry Potter world is.

So we just finished watching a new Telugu movie vedam. The movie was a breath of fresh air with superb performances. However, it was also a tad depressing. It highlights the many social injustices that happen in India and it has filled me with a lot of anger. I will admit (and again I run the risk of sounding like a stuck-up NRI), that had I never left India, perhaps I wouldn't have had such an angry reaction. I mean, social injustice is so rampant in India that you almost fail to notice it. But having lived in the US where discrimination and harassment are taken so very seriously and one couldn't even remotely imagine cheating someone out of their kidney or bonded labor, the contrast makes me that much angrier. I mean, a woman who got fired for dressing sexy is on the news like every hour for God's sake! Compare that with the things you see on NDTV everyday.

I had a similar reaction when I read The White Tiger about an year ago. The book highlights things that are not new to most people who've lived in India. I mean how many of us haven't had our driver or watchman or maid run errands for us that were out of their job description and weren't paid for? How many people treat their domestic help with respect and dignity? There wasn't one thing in the book that was news to me but it felt like someone had just dunked me in cold water. And Arvind Adiga's matter-of-factly narration of most of those things really drives home the point. Having lived in the US where one's social status does not dictate how they are treated, made the reality of it all that much sadder.

This post is not meant to criticize India at all, and I hope it is not misconstrued that way. It is what it is, and God knows we Indians stand by our country no matter what and will defend it to the hilt. But I cannot help but envy the freedom and justice in the American society (it may not be perfect, but it has come a long way), and wonder when we will get there.

P.S. - This post has been composed in a fit of emotion, but then, that's when I'm most eloquent so there.